In a previous post, I touched on the importance of asking for what you need. Today I want to dive into that a little more. As a reminder, in the post I talked about how people in your life (friends, family, partners) are not always going to be as intuitive as you when it comes to anticipating needs. It may not be a muscle they use on a daily basis. However in our field, the expectation is that we look beyond what’s being said and pay attention.
So let’s take it one step further. Let’s say you are someone who does not ask for what you need or even worse, you would never expect anyone to help you? Is that working out for you? Of course not! Yes, I get it, it’s hard to ask for help. It’s hard to admit we need help. It’s frustrating when your loved ones can’t always intuit what you need. But to be fair, if you haven’t told them what you need you can’t expect them to “get it.”
Listen, I love words and love to talk and process etc. But when suddenly I need to articulate my needs? Silence, often followed by resentment that my silence isn’t being understood. Is that fair? No. It’s scary to share my vulnerabilities with others. It’s scary to ask for help, especially when you’ve created a persona of being the helper. But if it’s not ultimately helping you on your self-care journey, then let the pride go and see what happens.
Take baby steps if the idea of reaching out scares you. No one said you’d have to start with a huge ask, so start small. Feel yourself physically push through the discomfort of asking. It will get easier. Don’t give up if the person can’t help you with that specific request. Don’t let that defeat you. It often amazes me how willing people are to help. They may have had no idea you needed assistance and the fact that you are asking them may actually make them feel honored. Chances are, you’ve been there for them many, many times and they have waited for the moment to pay it forward. Let people help you.
I’m really pushing this today, because so much damage is done when we bottle up resentment. Bad habits become the norm, relationships fall apart, bodies get sick, and we become perpetually tired and discontent.
Give it a shot. Make your needs known. Baby steps folks. You’ve got this.
Take care of YOU.