Not everyone is going to like you. Weird, right?! You’re so charming! They don’t know what they are missing! But we simply cannot be everyone’s cup of tea. We are complex human beings who are going to be drawn to some and not others. It’s not always as personal as we make it out to be. A major part of adulthood is accepting that and letting it go. Freeing yourself from the non-stop head noise of “What did I do??” Notice I didn’t say attacking those folks with anger or trying to convince them how amazing you are?! Nope, just letting it go. The letting go part, is for YOU. Letting go, so that you can move on and have peace. Because while you may not be able to control what they think of you, you CAN control your reaction. (Of course if you have wronged someone and haven’t apologized or corrected your wrong doing, that IS on you. I do not want to take away our responsibility of righting a wrong).
What other people think of me is none of my business. -Dr. Wayne Dyer
We aren’t always going to know why we rub someone the wrong way, but more times than not it has NOTHING to do with us. Got that? Perhaps we trigger something in them that reminds them of someone else. To be honest it’s not even worth going into the various scenarios as to why someone may struggle with you. In fact, I wonder how many therapy sessions/coffee breaks/margarita nights are spent trying to figure out why someone doesn’t like you. Even if you got the answer, I’m not sure you’d feel satisfied.
Years ago, when I was in the throes of on-line dating, I went on a date that seemed to go great! I felt confident this date would lead to many more. It didn’t, in fact I never heard from him again. I was in the beginning stages of dating on-line and this felt like a real blow. I started to question everything. Was I not as perceptive as I thought? Was I delusional? Which then lead to, am I even date-able/lovable? Yeah, I spiraled pretty quickly. All because some random person didn’t feel a connection. Prior to that date, I felt pretty good about myself, but I allowed the opinion of one person (who I didn’t even know) to determine my self worth. A major component of the self-care journey is loving yourself. This does not mean loving yourself only if everyone else loves you too.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -Eleanor Roosevelt
After that seemingly humiliating experience of never hearing for that guy again, my instinct was to shut down and never get out there again. But remember only I can control my reaction to that situation, and after nursing my wounds a little bit and reminding myself of the powerful quote of Eleanor Roosevelt, I realized I did not have to look at the situation as humiliating. I allowed myself to see it differently. It was a part of my story. It forced me to just enjoy each date for what it was without projecting a future on to them. And when I inevitably didn’t feel a connection with someone I was able to practice a little more compassion by being clear with them instead of them leaving them in the lurch.
When you feel someone’s bad or indifferent opinion of you affecting how you see yourself, hit the breaks! Regroup! Remind yourself, who you are is enough. I’m not here to pretend it’s easy to do (especially if your habit has been to go down the self-loathing black hole), but it is vital to your mental health, growth and self care. Go on, you rebel you, love yourself.
In a society that profits from your self doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act. Caroline Caldwell
Take care of YOU.